Conflicted

There's something I have been struggling with for a while now, I thought I would be able to tell it, but now I'm starting to wonder of its a good idea anymore.
Since it has been about 6 years since I stopped talking to my mom, and it's only been a few months now that I've been communicating with her again, I don't know if I can trust her or not.   In truth, my brother is guy.   I found out a year and a half ago.   No surprise to me, I've always known, since he was 5, and my mom took him flower shopping, or that he liked to sew and knot.  I don't know why it took so long for him to come out.  It's still being kept kind of quiet.   None of his co-workers know, although he suspects at least one person knows.  On one hand I think my mom should know something about his life if he's not going to talk to her again.  Then again we have been the only two that stick together through all the family troubles, and I could be sacrificing that.  I know he'd be angry if I told her.   Lately I might even say that there's a part of me that's going about this through spite because he doesn't spend any time with me and we barely speak.   I'm weighing my options, choose carefully.

The Week Before the Long Weekend

I really thought I would be scared about going to my mom's house for the first time, but as the time approaches now I'm getting more excited.   I have met her now husband before but it was so long ago that I don't remember what he looks like.  I just spoke to him on the phone the other day, he going to fix my bike for me so I can actually use it this summer.  I really want to take it down to the beach.  I will also be meeting a step brother for the first time.  He's one of the husbands three kids.  I really hope that's all, I don't want to be overwhelmed.   I am going to bring some food with me and either make up a stuffed pepper or the Potato french fry.  I've also decided to stay overnight.  I know the fireworks won't be as nice as the ones in my town, but hopefully the company will make up for it.
My brother who was the only family I had for a while but he has ditched me on every holiday since thanksgiving, so it will be nice not to spend one alone.

Starting Over

So summer is finally here, and with a new season comes a change. I used to keep a journal, it helped in expressing my feelings about the pain of my parents divorce and the family that was crumbling all around me.

6 yearsago I stopped talking to my mom.   It hurt that she left with another man and I really felt that she chose him over my brother and me.  I lived with my dad for a few years after the divorce.  After some time thought I grew tired of the constant fights, mood swings and the fact he wasn't helping pay any rent or bills.  So my brother and I both moved to a new city.  We needed a break from him, which we never got.  He came down everyday and we felt even more suffocated.  At least in the old apartment we had an upstairs and rooms to stay in to have our own space and time.  In a small basement apartment there was no where to go.   Then out of the blue one day he picked a fight with my brother over something stupid and before he could realise what happened my dad was gone, out of our lives.  We never saw him again.  I know he has moved from his last address I knew of, he came here to drop off what he said was our stuff, but was mostly things he didn't want to bring with him to his new place.  I wish he had brought my bike, that I could use.